One of my kids pointed out to me recently that she thinks that adults have a tendency to either expect too much or too little of kids–especially teenagers. As she explained it, parents, teachers, and other adults either underestimate kids–expecting them all to be ill-behaved or incapable, or over-estimate kids–expecting them to behave like adults or be “super-human.” Her comments got me to thinking about times when I really have expected more of my kids than I probably had right or reason to…
I know that as a single parent I often expect more of my children than I would if I were partnered–I’ve asked them to be patient and tolerant when they really wanted to get upset, fall apart and act like, well, act like children. My kids have probably had to learn to help out more around the house and take care of more of their own needs than kids in another family situation. I have known parents who had a hard time when their children expressed fear or weakness and watched other parents expect their children to be great athletes or academics or be able to master good behavior in a restaurant or church at a rather young age.
I think it’s entirely human and common for us as parents to want our kids to do well and be fabulous–after all, we love them so much and see how incredible they truly are. BUT, they are still just kids–and kids are entitled to mistakes and crabby days and should be allowed to learn and develop at their own pace. They are definitely not “little adults” and even though they may show shimmers of wisdom and responsibility far beyond their age, I think we still need to be careful that we’re not asking them to be “super human.”
See Also: Extreme Parenting: How Far Will You Go?