When did we fall in love with marriage? I could study the history of marriage and I have read numerous reports on marriage and the love affair we in the United States have had with marriage. Philosophers, historians and more have speculated on the foundations of Western Civilization resting firmly within the cradle of marriage and the family that those bonds create.
Family Values
Family values groups have the right of it when they emphasize their belief in the foundation of society resting squarely within the boundaries we create in our families. For what is a community, but a group of families co-existing together. One family may help another and that family in turn will help another. What are businesses, but organizations comprised of individuals and families. Everything within our communities – from the grocery store to the local Church to the theater to the mall to the corporations – they all have their roots in people and those people are members of families.
Cooperation & Commitment
Cooperation and commitment are the two most powerful tools we bring into our families. They begin with the family we are born into. They begin with the commitment our parents make to us and the cooperation we return. Our parents do their best to provide us with motivation, opportunity and protection while we learn to be productive and cooperative ourselves.
When we grow up, we become a part of our communities – the smaller ones at first – the kindergarten class, the dance class, the gymnastics school and the neighborhood around us. We learn very quickly what is and isn’t acceptable. We struggle with cooperating and we engage in one-upmanships. Our friendships are born quickly and die quickly as we react and reject their actions and behaviors and more.
As we age and become adolescents, our friendships change and become more involved and complicated. But we are still testing the boundaries of our community through those relationships. Eventually, we meet and we fall in love and we settle into family life and begin returning to the community what we were nourished on.
Changes in the Wind
Every generation changes and makes new decisions. Every generation challenges what was held as sacrosanct to the generations before. It is, in many ways, how communities grow and develop. A few hundred years ago, parents chose the mates for their children. In many nations, this is still the case. Yet it is not in ours. A hundred years ago, divorce was only used in the most extreme cases and generally related to abandonment. That is no longer the case.
Fifty years ago, couples hesitated to even consider living together without marriage. Now it is perfectly acceptable for couples to cohabitate, divorce, remarry and more. We accept these changes because they are part of the growing pains of society and communities and families and more. But the best way we can continue to value marriage and what it contributes to our community – we need to value marriage ourselves and share that value with our children.
So – are we falling out of love with marriage? I don’t believe that is so – what about you?
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