There is no doubt that fear can be a great motivator—it can spur us on to do some things, while keeping us from trying others. As parents, we definitely wrestle with our share of fear—worrying about our child’s health and well being and taming both our irrational and rational fears. One area where fear does NOT help us be better parents is when we back off from doing what we should do because we are afraid of our child’s reaction.
I do not know a single parent who actually enjoys being the “bad guy” or the one who has to say “no” and set limits. Some parents, however, let their fear of how unhappy, angry or sad their child may be keep them from setting limits and saying no. Some parents are so concerned with being “liked” and having their child think they are a great person, that they neglect to do the hard part of parenting—teaching, guiding, setting boundaries and discipline.
It does not matter if you are afraid your toddler will throw a temper tantrum in the grocery store if you tell her “no” or if you are afraid that your 6 foot teenager will get angry and violent if you take away his car privileges—as parents, we need to do what needs to be done regardless. I am not saying that we have to ignore the fact that we feel worried or uncomfortable about how our child might react, but we do still need to do the parenting and the discipline and put our need to be liked and the favorite on the back burner. We are not always supposed to be popular with our kids. As a matter of fact, this has been my response over the years when my kids have accused me of being mean, horrible, un-cool or told me they hate them: “I didn’t become a parent to win a popularity contest.” Swallow your fear, and be the grown-up—we can get our positive affirmations somewhere else.
See Also: Are You Being too Vague?
There is a Difference between Explaining and Justifying