Yesterday I wrote about three bad habits you should avoid from the beginning if you want to help your baby establish healthy sleep patterns. Interestingly, I ran across research today that showed a link between parenting style and sleeping problems that last into toddlerhood, past the 12 month mark.
Defining Healthy Sleep
Despite what all the mothers in your mom’s group say (and despite what you may feel) “sleeping through the night” is medically defined as 5 hours. While that is certainly not enough sleep for most adults, it’s important to understand that when we’re looking for healthy sleep habits, we’re not looking for a baby (or toddler) that sleeps 8 or more hours.
Furthermore, it’s important to understand that babies are supposed to wake up! If you happen to have birthed a sleepy Sam then good for you. But the truth is babies are designed to be light sleepers, to sleep in cycles, and to be extra sensitive to stimuli such as cold, being wet and being hungry. It is essential for their survival.
However, the chunk of time that your baby is sleeping at night should generally lengthen as your baby grows into toddlerhood. New research is indicating however, that mothers with a particularly aggressive parenting style continue to report problems after the 12 month mark whereas most mothers who use a parenting style that is characterized as “warm” don’t report as many sleeping problems.
Which Came First: The Chicken or the Egg?
While the study (done in Australia) shows a definitive link between a harsh parenting style that includes yelling and slapping, and a toddler’s sleeping habits; it does not definitively conclude that the parenting style actually causes the sleep issues. Perhaps, researchers say, the issue is that because of the toddler’s sleep issues, the parents are so frazzled, they are lacking in good parenting skills.
Getting a Grip
If you find yourself in this boat, try taking more time for yourself. Even if your aggressive parenting isn’t causing sleep issues–it’s not benefiting your toddler either. Try laying down with your toddler during nap time and squeezing in some extra rest. I know moms like to use this time to get things done. . .but I promise you the housework isn’t going to go anywhere. You may well find that taking a more patient approach to your toddler’s shenanigans may be just the trick to ease her into better sleep.