Trauma and grief can cause us to withdraw into ourselves and cut ourselves off from emotions and feelings in order to get through some really painful and trying times. For those of us who have become single parents by going through a separation, divorce, or death—we might be carrying some of that grief and trauma with us and it may make us feel removed from our bodies, feelings, and other physical sensations. While this might have been a reasonable survival skill when we were in the midst of the tough time, as we heal, we have to learn how to reconnect with our emotions too.
You may wonder why you would even want to get back in touch with your feelings and emotions when you might have been hurt so badly. We can miss out on a lot of good stuff, however, when we are not in touch. We might not be as available for our kids or able to help them work through things and heal, and we may get “stuck” and not be able to move forward because we are blocking so many wonderful and real emotions.
When I was getting back into my body and my feelings and emotions after going through a very painful and grieving time, I started by just trying to acknowledge and name the emotions I was feeling instead of burying and ignoring them. Even simple things like, “I’m feeling hungry” or “I’m very tired today” can be a good start instead of just telling ourselves that we are fine, fine, fine no matter what.
I also found that tuning into my children’s feelings and emotions and listening to them helped me to be more accepting of my own. Over time, if we work on healing and reconnecting with our bodies and emotions, we will be able to feel more fully, but it may take some work and focus.
See Also the MENTAL HEALTH Blog