I am not the same parent I was nearly twenty years ago when I started out on this path. As a matter of fact, I am not the same parent or the same person I was even two or three years ago. Despite all my dedication and determination to “get things right” as a parent, I’ve changed my mind about all sorts of things. Rather than remain rigid or cling to things that really were not working with my particular individual offspring, I chose to change, evolve, experiment. Rather than feel weak or as if I have been defeated, however, I think it takes some confidence, strength and security to be willing to change one’s mind as a parent.
It has been fascinating to me how some of my steadfast “belief systems” have crumbled through the experience of child rearing and family life. What I was so convinced was “true” and would work, wasn’t and didn’t and things I was skeptical about turned out to work rather well. Who would have thought? I think that is one of the reasons there continues to be so many parenting books and advice columns—what works for one family doesn’t necessarily work for another. Since each child is an individual and the family dynamics can be so unique, techniques and ideas about how to be a parent can shift.
Not to mention, times change. The world I started out in as a young parent nearly twenty years ago. I could not have foreseen things like IPods and My Space and Face book—there are so many daily realities that affect my family that I’ve had to adjust to—nothing that I could actually prepare for. I have had to learn to get flexible and not cling to rigid ideas. That isn’t to say that I am not firm and stable, but I have also had to be open to the possibility that I might make a mistake and that “new evidence” might cause me to change my mind.
Also: Accepting Alternative Paths