Unclear messages are the bane of communication! How often have you been at work or having a discussion with someone and feel like they are sending you mixed messages? Whether it’s passive aggressive statements and behaviors or someone seems to be “saying one thing” while doing something completely different, it can make us feel as though we are crazy or unable to properly communicate. As parents, it’s part of our job to be clear communicators when we are communicating with our children…
Good, clear communication is not just what we way, but it also includes our body language, the consistency of the things we say, and the tone and inflection in our voices. If we are telling our children that we are really unhappy with a behavior choice they made but we are busy in the kitchen, not looking them in the eye, or smiling as we try to share our unhappiness–we are NOT sending a crystal clear message. On the other hand, if we are lecturing our children about something like gossiping or spreading rumors and then we get on the telephone and chat away with our friend about other people–we are also sending a mixed message. In order to have credibility with our children–we need to make sure that all of the elements of our communication are working together.
Now, I know that I am definitely not perfect and now that my kids are older, they actually call my attention to the discrepancies in my communication and messages. They call me on it when I seem to be saying contradictory things, displaying inconsistencies or sending mixed messages–so I know that I am guilty of the very challenges I’m writing about! Still, I think it is a skill we can work on and practice with our children as they grow–making sure that we are sending clear messages and communicating as clearly as possible–not just about the “big” things like drugs, sex, etc., but also about the daily issues of living. As we work on sending crystal clear messages, our children will be more likely to listen and understand, and they will realize that we are working to be impeccable in our honesty and worthy of respect in our parenting.