Are you a mom who tries to live through her children? I know of a couple of moms like that. It actually makes me sad to see their children having to be and do what their moms want them to be and do.
I think there may be a couple of reasons this happens. The one we are probably most familiar with is the mom who didn’t get to do the very things they are forcing their children to do. So they think that because they missed out on something, the same will happen to their children.
But there is another reason. It is based on fear and anxiety. We are afraid that our children just don’t know what is best for them.
Trying to deposit your hopes and dreams into the lives of your children is like trying to play with one of those plastic shape toys, the kind where you have to fit the shape pieces into the matching holes. It’s like trying to fit a circle piece into a square. It doesn’t work.
Supporting our children means to do it based on their hopes and dreams, even if they don’t exactly line up with ours. It is allowing them to be and become who they are meant to be.
It also means learning to let go of how we might view success. Do you see it as someone who is the most popular? Someone who earns straight A’s? Someone who places first every time? Someone who makes the most amount of money? Someone who has the most prestige?
Maybe our children don’t see success that way. In fact, it’s probably best if they don’t, because that is all based on performance.
I care less about their performance than I do about their character and if they are living the life they want to. In fact, I can’t brag on Facebook about my son’s accomplishments on track because he is usually lucky he doesn’t finish last most races.
But guess what? I don’t care. He knows I am there at every track meet to support him and to cheer him on, no matter how he places.
I can’t brag about another one of my children’s grades on Facebook because they aren’t the best. But I know that child tries. And I am there to encourage.
It can be hard to learn to let go of the dreams you have for your children. But they really do have their own destiny that they have to figure out. Your job is to be their greatest supporter.
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