While being a parent can get us into all sorts of adventures and situations, it can also be something that we use to get and keep us OUT of situations too. For some of us, we can get in the habit of using our children and parenting obligations as an excuse to avoid some of life’s challenges or other experiences—we can even get in the habit of using our children or our role as parents to keep from being fully engaged in life. Are you using your children or family life as an excuse to NOT do things or focus on your own personal growth and development?
I’ve heard it referred to as “pulling the Mom card” and I’ve also definitely used it myself—avoiding an obligation or doing something I’m not very excited about doing by claiming that my kids needed me or I needed to take care of a Mom-obligation. I certainly don’t think that using parenthood as an excuse once in a while is a problem—but if we find ourselves actually “hiding behind” parenthood and using it to keep from getting involved and engaged in life, we might have a problem.
As children grow up and need us less and less, we could find ourselves feeling without purpose and without the support structures and personal relationships and projects that make life interesting and valid. We could end up feeling void and un-needed, not to mention our lives might feel out of balance since we have spent so much time hiding behind our children or using them as an excuse NOT to try new things or take risks and chances that would contribute to our own growth.
It’s such a fine balance between taking care of our families and our children and taking care of ourselves. We have to be careful and watch for signs that we may actually be using family life and our children NOT to take care of ourselves and move around in the world as independent, separate people too.
See Also: Does Keeping Things Simpler Make for Happier Families? and 10 Things Happy Families Do