Giving gifts at the holidays says to friends and family: you’re important. I care about you. I remember you. But sometimes, the gift you choose has an unintended second message: you’re out of shape. You’re unhealthy. You don’t look good.
I once had a friend give me a gift certificate for a facial. I’d never had a facial before, never wanted a facial. But I went and got it anyway, and it turned out to be a really negative experience. I’d much rather get an open-ended gift certificate — the particular salon offered a variety of services, many of which I would have preferred to the facial!
It can be dangerous territory to buy weight-loss programs and special foods as gifts. For many people, weight loss is a very personal decision and journey. You may be trying to be helpful by purchasing that Weight Watchers gift certificate, but the recipient may see it as a message: you’re overweight. The same can go for clothing gifts that are the wrong size! The person opening the package may feel ashamed or embarrassed because the gift is too small to wear.
Sure, health care and personal care gifts can be useful, practical, necessary. But for the recipient, they may seem like a lecture in disguise. Cut your hair! Wax your eyebrows! Suck in your gut! Wear some makeup!
Plus, socks and underwear are practical, too… but most kids don’t like them as a gift!
So let’s say you want to find a healthy gift that won’t unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings. They do exist! Here are some ideas:
- Go open-ended. Give a gift certificate without specifying a particular use so the recipient can choose the service they most want.
- Ask first. It may ruin the surprise to run gift ideas by your friends and family, but I’d rather ruin the surprise than ruin the friendship! Your friend just may give her blessing on that holiday tooth whitening kit.
- Think about how you’d feel if you got the gift you’re about to give. Would you be embarrassed to open up that ear hair trimmer? Or would you be thrilled?
- Give questionable gifts privately. If you think your friend might not like what you chose, don’t hand it out under a spotlight. Find some quiet time alone to exchange gifts so she doesn’t have an audience.
- Think about what you’re trying to say with the gift. Maybe that gift certificate for a leg waxing day together really means “hey, I want us to have a girls’ day out.” And maybe you just need to say “hey, I want us to have a girls’ day out, on me!” instead!
And if you end up on the receiving end of a gift that seems to poke at your health, looks, or weight? Try not to take it personally. The person giving the gift may not realize they hit on a sensitive subject.