There are those families for whom holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter are strictly for family, and then there are those where the population of the gatherings are a bit looser. I believe that the age of the family members has something to do with it too–young, school-age children are pretty satisfied with family-only gatherings but as children get older–teenagers, college-age, and older–inevitably they may want to bring friends along to family holiday gatherings. Have you thought about how you feel about that and whether or not your kids’ friends are welcome at your house during the holidays (and for how long/which events)?
Friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, and strong social motivation just comes with the aging territory in our society. By middle school and those early teen years, many children are wanting to spend more time with their friends than at home. With my own children, I have found that those “social gangs” of the early teens have given way to more sophisticated friendships and attachments. They still might get together and hang out with a group–but they are maturing and having more mature, intimate friendships as well. It seems only natural that they want to see these friends during the holiday season and invite them to what were previously “family” gatherings. I have found that the scene around my house during the holidays has definitely morphed and it is not uncommon for me to be setting extra place settings for my children’s friends or sending out holiday cards to their families.
As a single parent, this means things can get a little imbalanced. Last night, for example, found me playing Monopoly with a table full of teenagers. I couldn’t get over the fact that my kids and their friends were even old enough to have moved through the snaky years and that they wanted me to play with them, nor could I ever let go of the fact that I really WAS the forty-year-old mom. Nor can I quite get used to the fact that not only do my kids want to hang out here occasionally, but their friend and dates are into it as well.
So, yes, my kids’ friends are welcome here during the holidays. I will always set an extra plate or keep some reserves on hand to stuff an extra stocking. I may not always be thrilled or adore everyone my children bring home, but I do focus on treating them all the way I would have liked to have been treated at my friends and dates homes.
Also: How did I Become the “Hang Out” House?
How do You Feed a House Full of Very Big People (at a Moment’s Notice)?