Modeling appropriate behavior is something parents strive to do and most times we do a good job of it. We remember not to swear in front of our kids. We always say “please” and “thank you”. However, I’ve realized that we do weird things sometimes.
Take for instance, yelling. We want our kids not to yell and talk loud yet we yell and talk loud. I realized the absurdity of this on Saturday when Tyler had his volume at full-blast. “Stop making so much NOISE,” I yelled. Where does that kid get his loud mouth? Well, duh!
I try to tell people that I talk loud because I have a hearing problem. I tell them I can’t hear myself therefore I don’t realize when I am talking loud until someone points it out. Several different doctors over the years have informed me that it does not matter if I can hear myself talk. If I talk in a normal voice, they assure me, others can hear me. Whatever.
In order for Tyler to learn not to talk so loud I have to model appropriate volume control. I can’t yell at him to stop yelling. The same goes for when I need him, instead of yelling for him to come inside, or if I need him and he’s in another room, I really need to go and get him-quietly.
(By the way, he drew a picture of me the other day, presented it to me matter-of-factly and said, “See mama, that’s you. You have big eyes and a big mouth!”)
Parents, make sure you watch the little things that you do. Your kids are watching and they are going to model your behavior. For instance, if you don’t want your kids to hit each other and one does, should we then turn around say, “No hitting” and then hit the child? It sends a message that mom doesn’t really mean what she says (or she’s bonkers).
Now, excuse me while I go and practice my inside voice.
See also:
Why Modeling is Good for Your Child
ScreamFree Parenting: Book Review