Okay, I know that many of us have learned that we need to stick up for ourselves and stand our ground–but when it comes to parenting, getting into verbal tussles and arguments with our kids is a sure-fire way to send them the message that we’ve lost our cool, we’ve lost our power and that they are able to “get to us”…
None of us is perfect and I know that I find myself arguing with my kids far more often than I would like. I know full well that is it unproductive and that I am really just expressing my frustration and losing my temper–not really solving any problems or convincing my children that I am “right.” In fact, I am savvy enough to know that as soon as I lose my cool and get locked in an argument–they feel a bit of satisfaction over having taken away enough of my “power” that I’ve stooped down to argument level.
So, what can you do instead of argue? What can you do when you feel your frustration level rising and you know you are about to get in a shouting match or a verbal battle with one of your offspring? Walk away–it is perfectly permissible to excuse yourself from the “conversation” before it gets out of control. You can also develop some quick, canned answers to say when your kids try to keep egging you into a battle: “I am not prepared to talk about this right now” or “I’m not in the right frame of mind to discuss this”–both of these statements are “I” statements–showing that you are in control and are taking charge of your own feelings in the matter. They are strong, simple and clear and if you leave the room after you say them–a child realizes that she hasn’t “hooked” you into an argument…this time.
Also: In Praise of Patience