Maybe some of you have witnessed an international adoption placement at an airport. I remember seeing one while I was in college. There were a couple dozen people, balloons, and one very scared looking tot.
Many people who adopt have waited a long time to have children. Sometimes they do not have the baby showers or other preparatory celebrations that expectant parents enjoy. The adoption of their child is one of the biggest events in their lives, and they want to celebrate with everyone. Grandparents and friends are eager to show they accept and support the new family.
But imagine that you are a very young child who has seldom been outside of your orphanage or foster home. Your foster mother said goodbye to you just that morning. You have spent 12 hours on a loud, brightly lit airplane full of strangers who spoke with strange sounds you have never heard before. You are now taken into a very large room with lots of commotion, placed in the arms of another stranger who exclaims over you to everyone around, and may give into pressure to briefly pass you around to the eager arms of grandparents and cousins who all want to meet you right away. You don’t have time to focus on any one person or figure out who all these people are.
It’s probably a good thing you can’t understand everybody exclaiming what a lucky baby you are, hm?
Adoptive parents have to acknowledge that the happiest day of their lives is a time of great change and even trauma for their baby. That doesn’t mean don’t celebrate, but it may mean delaying the celebration or keeping it brief.
Our adoption agency’s guidelines recommended that if a child was over six months old, there should not be a large arrival party at the airport. We decided that my father would meet us at the airport and my mother and sister would bring my son (who had stayed with them that week) to our house shortly after. (We did have one friend show up at the airport with her daughter and a balloon, but we missed each other due to time and gate changes.)
Her other grandparents drove up to see her the weekend after she arrived, but didn’t stay overnight.
The holidays were ten days after my daughter arrived. We brought her to church and to a small family party, holding her the whole time.
My daughter’s first birthday came three weeks after she arrived. At that time we had a party for the extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins, and one family of dear friends. For most of them it was the first time they got to meet her. We had a larger celebration a couple of months later for her Baptism.
Please see these related blogs:
Traveling to Our Daughter, Part Three: Going Home!
Adoption Transitions #5 When Travel is Required