Question: I have read that you recommend co-sleeping. I believe it is healthier for my infant and would make it easier to breastfeed. But my husband thinks it would be awkward to have the baby in bed with us. His mother also thinks it’s a bad idea. How can I change their minds?
I thought it appropriate, today being Valentine’s Day, that I address this question. At the root, this is a discussion about how marriages change once we add to the family. I don’t really know, but I would venture to guess that this couple hasn’t been married long.
Oh Darling Mother-In-Law
Your mother-in-law doesn’t get a vote. Certainly if her opinion is welcome, then by all means, hear her out. But a wise mother-in-law will mind her own business when the two of you disagree. Grandmas often struggle with their place in the family when the first grandchild comes along. However, giving her opinion where it is not invited, is not her place. You and your husband need to help her understand that. Since this isn’t the marriage blog, I will say no more.
Co-sleeping In Our Marriage
Co-sleeping has worked very well for us. In fact, I am convinced that I would’ve seriously lost some sanity had we not co-slept with our twins. It made life a lot easier for both of us. It was the solution that allowed us to get the most sleep.
Now stop. Re-read that preceding paragraph. Do you notice how many times I talk about ‘us’, ‘we’, and ‘our’? Do you notice also that I said co-sleeping was a solution that not only made my life easier but it also benefited my husband as well?
Co-sleeping has to be a family decision and I’m not sure there’s anything you can do to “change” his mind. Many women feel that since dad isn’t the one getting up, dad shouldn’t get a vote. I feel the opposite. I feel like it is important to make these decisions together–even if it is you getting up most, even all, of the time. You as a couple came before the baby and hopefully, when that baby goes off to college, you’ll still be a couple. It is your marriage that is the foundation of your family and although your relatinoship with your children is important, it is secondary to your marriage.
Should I Change His Mind?
When my husband and I feel equally strongly on a particular issue we agree to consider the other side. Sometimes I successfully change his mind. Sometimes he changes mine. Sometimes we agree to disagree. However, we always agree to reach a compromise. I would encourage your husband to consider some of the information on Askdrsears.com that explains the benefits of co-sleeping. I would encourage you to consider your husband’s concerns over co-sleeping whatever they may be. Then together, find a solution that you both can live with.
I know I’ve written a lot about the benefits of co-sleeping and I certainly believe what I write. However, you are doing no harm to your child if you find that something else works for you (and by you I mean you and your husband.) It will do far more harm to your child for either one of you to consistently push an issue without regard to the other’s feelings than it will for you to skip co-sleeping.
More Information on Co-sleeping
Other Interesting Reads:
Baby Prefers Mommy! What’s a Dad to Do?
Dads That Breastfeed: A Manly Man’s Perspective