Question: A cousin of mine is getting married in a few months and on the invitation she invited myself and my husband but not the baby. My baby will only be 4 months old when she gets married. Isn’t it rude of her not to invite the whole family? So what should I do? Do I tell her that we won’t come unless she invites the baby? (I’m not comfortable leaving the baby as I am nursing.) Or do I go anyways despite her being selective?
Since this isn’t the marriage blog I won’t spend a lot of time on this one issue other than to say it’s her day. If she is spending however many thousands of dollars to pull off a reception, she gets to decide who can come and who can’t. It might not be what I would choose–but it’s her day. I think you would do yourself well to get out of thinking that she’s rude and to realize the difficult position she is in. Most brides I know agonize over who to invite because they’d love to invite everyone they know but simply can’t afford it when it comes to the reception. With that said, here are a few ways we’ve handled weddings with nursing babies.
It Never Hurts to Ask
If the bride is someone you know well, just call and ask if it’s okay to bring a nursing baby. When this has happened to us, most of the brides we knew said it was just fine. I did have one bride say no. She was afraid that if she let one family bring a baby, then family members on the groom’s side would want to bring their children and they simply couldn’t afford that. And that’s okay. Do not demand that she give a reasonable explanation if she does say no because again, it’s her day. She gets to pick who is and who is not invited and if she feels like a wedding is a grown up event–then so be it.
Just Explain Yourself
If the bride doesn’t want children in attendance in any way shape or form, politely explain that you cannot come because you will be nursing a baby. While it is certainly her prerogative to choose whom she invites, she must understand a situation like this as well. Send a nice gift and a nice card and leave it at that.
Bring a Babysitter
If neither of the above is an option, consider bringing a babysitter for the wedding. My best friend got married when my first child was 5 months old. I was the matron of honor and while the baby was welcome, I certainly couldn’t stand up in front with her in my arms. So we brought our own babysitter to watch the baby while we were at the wedding.
Whatever you do, I think extending some understanding and graciousness to the bride is always in order. I think many brides really struggle with the guest list and cutting the children out of a guest list is a way to have more of their friends present. Personally, I do not enjoy bringing my children to weddings. They are bored to tears.
Valorie Delp shares recipes and kitchen tips in the food blog, solves breastfeeding problems, shares parenting tips, and current research in the baby blog, and insight, resources and ideas as a regular guest blogger in the homeschooling blog. To read more articles by Valorie Delp, click here.
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