A good friend of mine is getting married shortly, and she’s had a number of questions about marriage and how to cultivate a good relationship with her new husband. As we’ve conversed, she’s given me permission to share some of her questions, and my answers, with you.
Q. What are the leading causes of divorce?
A. This is a very natural question – divorce is so common these days, it’s almost impossible to contemplate marriage without wondering if it will end in divorce. As I look into it, the causes seem to largely be these.
Poor communication – when one spouse, or both, fail to share their thoughts and feelings in a way that the other can understand. This leads to feelings of resentment and “not being understood.”
Financial problems – often, the stress of finances drives a wedge between the couple, especially if one spouse has a spending problem.
A lack of commitment to the marriage – it’s crucial that both spouses share the same devotion to the relationship.
Infidelity – some couples manage to forgive and put the past behind them, but many are too hurt and feel too betrayed to want to put their marriage back together.
Failed expectations or unmet needs – this ties into the heading of poor communication. Many times, one spouse or the other is unhappy because they thought things would be different.
Addictions and substance abuse – this type of addiction can change a spouse’s personality, making them no longer a desirable partner. It can also lead to financial stress and health problems.
Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse – interestingly, it seems that it’s easier to divorce for financial reasons than it is to divorce because of abuse. I believe that’s because abuse is so deeply rooted to the emotions, and therefore is harder to overcome.
Later on today, I will explore the second half of my friend’s question, dealing with causes of divorce I have seen personally. Stay tuned.
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