Looking to the future may be one of those things that our children do not exactly do well, but as parents, we might be reacting in the moment too and not thinking about how our choices and responses today can have a lasting impact down the line. Sure, we are going to react passionately sometimes and we may even say and do things in our parenting without thinking much about what we are doing—but whenever possible we can ask ourselves what the possible impact of our personal choices is, and teach our children to do the same.
Life really is a constant stream of cause and effect; choices and consequences. While as parents, we need to make sure that we do not become immobilized with worry over how what we say and do this very minute might have a lasting impact, we can keep the question in the back of our head. We can remind ourselves: “If I say this thing, or if I give in to this particular temper tantrum, what is the potential lasting impact?” I find that asking this question can help to decipher what is potentially a big deal and what isn’t. If it is not going to have a big impact whether we have pancakes for dinner one night or even eat dinner earlier or later, than I don’t need to fuss over it. On the other hand, if I let my child stay out past curfew without any consequences, what is the potential impact and could it be detrimental?
Take things into account such as age, the temperament of the child, and your own personal comfort-level as a parent. Also, this can be a great tool when reasoning with your child, ask the child to think about the possible impact of his or her choices or decisions. This can help teach the child how to see beyond the immediate gratification of the moment and learn to look at possible long term consequences.
Also: Teaching Consequences
Allowing Consequences to Unfold