The average person would assume that having Fun comes naturally, and maybe it does. Adoptive parents of older or special needs children often find themselves living a life that feels everything except fun. Children with attachment disorders can have a way of sabotaging anything fun. Adoptive parents consumed with adjusting to the stress of the new family, and worried about the attachment of our children can actually find themselves in a situation where Fun is but a memory.
I have been there. I think most adoptive parents who had an older child placed have at some point felt their lives not only lack fun, but that any future possibility of fun is non-existent. Most of us can snap out of this feeling the next day, but the most important thing to do is plan for fun. Even if your child is one with an attachment disorder, plan for fun and plan for how the attachment behaviors might interfere and enjoy it no matter what actually happens.
The first two years our daughter lived in our home, we tried playing a variety of card and board games with her. Every time was an ordeal of unbearable behaviors designed to make it completely impossible to play a game by the rules from start to finish. Every time we tried to play a game, we tried in a fun way with all the game playing tools like the drinks and snacks. Every horrible night of trying my husband and I just smiled and enjoyed the game, no matter what happened. Eventually about six-months ago everyone in the family started having fun, and playing games whenever possible.
It’s important to have fun and laugh with our children even when we can see an underlying attachment issue or behavior undermining our every effort. The best way we have to teach our children is by modeling behaviors. Some children don’t know how to have fun. When we understand where the behavior and feelings come from we can let go of the actual problem and take the moment for as much fun as possible.
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For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.