In the last Blog, we talked about Attachment Parenting and understanding the concept that Time plays when adopting an older child. Time in terms of days weeks, months and years. I have written about family traditions, making memories and creating understanding about house rules and all of those parenting tools require the other kind of time.
This is the undivided, full and complete attention kind of time. Ordinary families do spend a lot of time when a new baby is born, just caring for the basic needs of the baby. We aren’t surprised when a new parent complains about being up all night with the baby. Parents don’t bring a newborn home and expect them to know how to clean up their bedroom. Adoptive parents should not expect any more from their child when they first come home. It takes time to learn about a new family and to trust and believe it is safe and secure.
Our children can’t just sit and watch television, some of our children don’t even know how to play. To top everything off our children have usually had to learn how to live in a new family at least once or twice before placed for adoption with us. They may be tired of learning and losing and they may simply not be able to do it again. Our children need more time with us then the ordinary child might.
Adoptive parents of older children need to be ready to invest daily, quality, and ongoing time with the child. Outside activities are fine, but parents who can be directly involved and supportive offer the adopted child the chance to remain connected even while outside in the world.
Time spent doing normal and routine things together with a child is vital. When our daughter was placed, she was five years old with hair past the middle of her back. I was surprised when I was told that my daughter was able to wash her own hair, which was longer than her arms. When we came home, I asked her if I could help her and see how she had learned to take care of her body and hair. It was a very sad experience for me, my five-year-old didn’t know how to wash her own hair. When I asked her who taught her to wash her hair she told me she had, she had learned how by herself.
It takes hands on time day in and day out and on every subject. Talking, doing and just being together as a family, as mother and child or father and child is possibly one of the most important things adoptive parents need to do in order to help our children learn the skill of attachment.
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.