The following is a list of attitudes and misconceptions people have about adoption usually prior to their placement. I don’t intend to discourage anyone, but it’s important for families to be realistic in expectation.
Children aren’t puppies, they’re children! ~ There is nothing wrong with wanting to adopt and know you are giving your child a good home. It’s okay for you to feel good about what you’re doing. But if you’re going to have the attitude that you are “rescuing” this child, you are doing your family a great injustice. It gives implication to the child that they owe you for what you’ve done. Birth children aren’t expected to have the indebtedness to their parents for conceiving them and giving birth, nor should children by adoption. Better yet, how about have the mindset that they are rescuing you? My kids have provided me with the gift of the “Mommy” title. Through my children I’ve gained new perspective on life. I find joy in the simpler things.
Nothing that a little love won’t cure ~ It fascinates me how many training classes states have families take to educate them on the special needs of children adopted through the foster system. So many people think for some reason they won’t be dealing with these issues, because they have lots of love to give the child. I really wish it was that simple. Love is powerful and a great motivator to advocate for your child’s needs, however, too often there are more than emotional scars that need healing; legitimate neurological damage as a result of drugs or alcohol, or even abuse and neglect. Heed the warnings and prepare ahead of time. If you never need the information yourself, it’s still great to have to help others, if you do need it, you’ll be glad you’re prepared.
Different DNA? I don’t see any DNA… ~ I so wish every adoptive parent had this attitude all the time, but unfortunately it’s not true. As couple’s may wait long periods of time to have their child placed, mothers especially are sometimes surprised at their feelings toward their new child. One example is the mother who wasn’t sure deep down if she’d love her child by adoption the same as her biological child, but once her child is placed, realizes there truly is no difference. Another example is the mom who really thought it would be love at first sight, but then finds herself depressed, feeling guilty that she doesn’t have the feelings she’d hoped for. This can be a result of Post Adoption Depression Syndrome, also known as PADS. Frankly, I’ve been both these moms. There truly is hope though. I can honestly say it can go away once the dust settles and with the right support.
This is part 1 of a two part blog.
Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog