Thank you for joining us for part two of our chat with Richard Dudum, author of the book “What Your Mother Never Told You.” If you missed yesterday, click here to catch up.
Richard, why do you feel that so many of our youth (and adults, too, for that matter) feel that their self-esteem will rise if they have sex?
There are a multitude of physical, emotional and developmental changes taking place during the teen years, including sexual and romantic awakening. The thoughts and emotions associated with sex, romance, and sexuality, combined with all of the other changes taking place during adolescence, although normal, can be overwhelming and I discuss my thoughts about confidence and self-esteem when I discuss this “period of transition” in Chapter 13.
As our teens go through the process of figuring out who they are, it’s normal for them to be curious, and to consider different levels of involvement with sex, alcohol and drugs. Peer pressure comes into play. The negative messages directed at teenage girls is a factor as seen on reality TV, music videos, and on the Internet. Our teens are being bombarded by mixed messages and competing expectations at every turn, and some teens may feel empowered by engaging in “adult” behavior.
In Chapter 9, I ask the girls to figure out who they are ….NOT. Throughout the book, I ask the girls to make thoughtful decisions based on their expectations and values. It is my belief that the more aware our teens are, the more self-confidence and self-esteem they will develop.
This is where parents and adult mentors can help. We need to talk with our teens about all of the issues, including sex, so that they have accurate information. If we don’t speak up and provide accurate information, teens will rely on their peers and can be misinformed. We can’t avoid or ignore these discussions. The stakes are too high!
We need to communicate with and educate our teens, about all issues including sex, on an ongoing basis. We need to let our teens know what we expect of them, and we should discuss with them what they should expect of themselves.
That’s where my book comes in. It opens the door to communication about sensitive issues. It provides the girls with another point of view to consider as they go through their decision making process. The book creates opportunities to discuss these sensitive topics.
I recommend that parents leave the book on the kitchen table with a bookmark in the chapter they want to discuss. Your teen will open the book and read the chapter. A few days later the parents should ask the teen one question: “I was reading this book and read that chapter about “X” what do YOU think about that?” Then take it from there and listen. Both you and you’re kids will be glad you did.
What can we as parents do to help our children feel better about themselves so they won’t be as tempted to seek outside validation in the form of sex or drugs?
Constantly encourage your teens when they make good choices. Let them know you are proud of them. Spend quality time with them. Look forward to opportunities to talk with them about sex, alcohol and drugs. Create an environment where they are comfortable telling you what’s going on in their lives. Don’t rush these conversations, and take small bites to avoid overwhelming them. Continue the conversation on another day, in another way.
Don’t preach. Make a point to listen. I’ve spent over twenty years listening closely. They want our help. They want our feedback. They want to know what we expect of them, and what we want them to expect of themselves. Tell them you love them. Never miss an opportunity to help them learn and grow. You only have a short amount of time to teach them all they need to know before their gone. Make the most of the time you have, and give them the tools and strategies they need to be successful. That’s what I’ve tried so hard to do in my book. You can do it too!
Thank you for taking time to visit with us, Richard. It’s been fun to talk with you.
If you’d like to learn more about Richard and his book, click here.
Related Blogs:
When Does a Child Become a Teenager?
Who is Your Child’s Role Model?
Is It Time to Teach Your Child the Facts of Life?