My last blog talked about the nightmare scenario of the Baby Jessica case in the early 1990s in which courts ruled that a 2 ½ year old child would leave the parents who had raised her for 2 ½ years and go to her biological father. This case had many unusual aspects, but the media did not always make clear that the adoption was never completed—the birth father asked for custody as soon as the mother told him about the child, when the baby was under a month old.
Steps to take to avoid an adoption nightmare include:
• Choose a reputable agency rather than an independent adoption. (If you know a pregnant woman who is considering placing her child with you, you can still work through an agency.) Ask how long they have handled the type of adoption you are considering. Speak with references who have adopted through the agency. Check with the Better Business Bureau to see if there have been any complaints. Is the agency honest with you about potential pitfalls in adoption?
• Choose an agency that provides counseling for birth parents (without having the same counselor for the birth parents and adoptive parents). Adoption workers say that counseling builds trust between birth parents and adoption workers, and birthparents are less likely to make false statements or panicky decisions.
• Realize you are likely to speak with several expectant mothers who are exploring adoption and want to meet the people they would consider having raise their baby, but who may not yet be committed to adoption. Expectant mothers and adopting parents are often talking to each other earlier in the pregnancy. Nearly one-third of expectant mothers who explore the possibility of adoption chose instead to parent the baby themselves. Many couples pursuing domestic adoption will have two or three “false starts”—tentative matches with a birthmother who decides to parent. In no state is it legal for a mother to sign away her parental rights before the child is born.
• Ask about the birthfather. One aspect of the Baby Jessica case that is unfortunately not unusual is that unmarried mothers are often reluctant to name the father of their baby. You can feel more secure if you believe the birth mother is telling the truth about the birth father and he consents to the adoption. Ask your adoption worker if the law requires notice of birth–with place and estimated date of conception—to be published or if a birthfathers’ registry needs to be looked at.
• Learn how long birth mothers have to relinquish their rights and to contest the relinquishment. Make every effort to see that the laws—of your state, the birthmother’s state and the state of the baby’s birth–are followed to the letter.
• Fewer than one percent of finalized adoptions are contested, let alone contested successfully. However, before the adoption is finalized, the adopting parents have to accept a period of risk. This period varies among states, from 48 hours to several months. Some states offer the option of having the baby go to a foster home during the waiting period, to make it less difficult for the would-be adoptive parents if the birth mother changes her mind. However, more and more adoptive parents choose to be with the baby as soon after birth as possible regardless of the emotional risk.
• If a birthparent changes their mind before the adoption is finalized, get opinions from attorneys and social workers about your particular situation by all means, but if the birthparents have a strong case, repeated appeals may only lead to heartbreak for the child as well as for you.
Please see these related blogs:
Putative Father’s Registry–Biological Father’s Rights
Communicating with your Caseworker