We’ve probably all had the experience at some stage of finding certain people rub us up the wrong way. Undoubtedly then we try and avoid them. We make sure we don’t get into conversation with them, or we’re always busy and have something else we need to do or somewhere else we need to be when they are around. We avoid those people and the circumstances which we find unpleasant.
It can even happen that we start to void and pull away from our spouse, especially if it is starting to be an unpleasant experience. For example if you are trying to carry on a conversation and it ends up too often in an argument or in being continually criticized, you might decide it’s easier to avoid the situation all together.
So you find excuses to be somewhere else other than where your spouse is. Instead of doing things together and spending time together you seek to develop separate interests. It’s not good for any marriage to be together all day and all night, every day and night. We do still need to maintain our own interests. But we should still enjoy spending time with our spouse and look forward to that time. If not, then it is time to do something about it.
Maybe you can find a sport or activity you both enjoy doing and make time to do it together and start to get to know each other all over again. If you are already having problems, it should probably not be a competitive activity. Some people are naturally competitive and cannot even play a board game without needing to go all out to win.
So, if that is what you or your spouse is like, you’re better to find some other activity you can enjoy that doesn’t pit you against each other. Otherwise you are only creating another pattern of behavior linked to tension and negative feelings.
These don’t have to cost heaps. Take a look at some of the suggestions here for inexpensive ideas.
Join me tomorrow for more thoughts on this subject.
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