After reading my last article, Absent Fathers and Awful Statistics you probably could use some good news, or possibly therapy. Well, there is good news and hope enough to cause people to take action. If you would just flip those statistics around and put the father back into the equation the picture looks a whole lot better. Let’s just take education for example, according to the research compiled by the National Fatherhood Institute:
• Father involvement in schools is associated with the higher likelihood of a student getting mostly A’s. This was true for fathers in biological parent families, for stepfathers, and for fathers heading single-parent families.
• Half of all children with highly involved fathers in two-parent families reported getting mostly A’s through 12th grade, compared to 35.2% of children of nonresident father families.
• A study of 1330 children … showed that fathers who are involved on a personal level with their child schooling increases the likelihood of their child’s achievement. When fathers assume a positive role in their child’s education, students feel a positive impact.
These results are very encouraging for me as a father. It also gives me great hope for all the absent fathers out there who could be more involved in their kids’ lives if they only knew what a difference they can make. There are many dads who feel like they have made too many mistakes and they just want to start over with their lives. They don’t want to go back to their old lives and start being responsible for their kids. But, that is exactly what needs to happen.
Fathers need to step up and take responsibility for their life they help to create. It will cost them their money, lots of money. It will cost them their time, as much as they are willing to give. It will cost them their personal freedom to go do whatever they want when they want. You give all of that up when you become a dad. And yet, you gain so much more than you could ever give to your children.
As more fathers become involved in their kids’ lives graduation rates have increased significantly. The rates of crime, juvenile delinquency, and child abuse have substantially declined. Teenage pregnancy is lower. In fact, according to longitudinal studies listed at Fathers.com:
• Children with involved fathers have less emotional and behavioral difficulties in adolescence
• Teenagers who feel close to their fathers in adolescence go on to have more satisfactory adult marital relationships.
• Girls who have a strong relationship with their fathers during adolescence showed a lack of psychological distress in adult life.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not promoting some sort of father utopia here. There are very legitimate reasons for excluding fathers from their kids’ lives. Many fathers have problems with alcohol, substance abuse and domestic violence. Certainly, those are instances where there needs to be a period of separation in order to get the father some help. However, the goal should be to have the father reunited with his children (whenever possible, and in some capacity) as soon as it is possible and safe for the children. Parenting time can be limited, or restricted, but should not be prohibited unless it is deemed by a judge to be unsafe, or not in the child’s best interests. Judges rely on reports from mental health professionals, school officials, and social workers to help them make an appropriate decision.
But nothing, I repeat, nothing can replace the role of the father in a child’s life. So, if you are a father and want to become a better one, you need to get informed, become involved in your child’s life – their education, their medical care, and their after-school activities. If you have been an absent father because of your own choice, or because of the court making the decision for you, make a stand. Look up some of these resources listed here and others like them to help you get back in the game. Your kids’ lives are depending on it.