My 5 year old is very eager for us to have a second child. For two years, she has asked us repeatedly about when we were going to give her a little brother or little sister. While I recognize her desire to expand her family and to have more people to love, it’s important to recognize that just because your older child wants something, they may not know exactly what they are asking for.
Older Sister in Training
My nephew is 11 months old and will celebrate his first birthday in September. It hardly feels like a year since he arrived, but there you have it. Since my daughter is so eager to be an older sister, we’ve encouraged her to spend a lot of time with her much younger cousin. At first, he fascinated her as a newborn and very young infant.
She would literally sit beside his playpen, crib or baby seat and sing to him. He was equally fascinated with her. As he got older though and more mobile – he committed the mortal sin of childhood: he started to play with her toys. She hated that and in fact, started trying to yank things away and yelled some pretty mean things because she didn’t want him in her room or touching her stuff.
Helping Your Older Child Adjust
It took me a few minutes to calm her down, but then I began to explain to her just why the baby wanted to play with her things and why it was important to share. After all, wasn’t she eager to have a little brother or little sister? She had to get used to the idea that the little babies would want to be like her and play with her and play with her things.
It took some coaching and a couple of patient trials, but now – my nephew toddles straight for her when he arrives and gives her a hug and then together they trot off into her bedroom. She will get down the soft toys and old baby toys of hers so that he can play with those and she will put up her more precious dolls and small items so that they will be safe.
Babies are not Baby Dolls
The reality of having a baby around is not the same as having a baby doll that you can put up when you are done with playing with them. It’s important that your older child understand this, especially when there is going to be a big age jump between the oldest child and the baby. My daughter is very ready for a younger sibling now and she has developed a great deal of patience – at least so far.
How did you help your older child cope with the arrival of baby?
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