There’s a family video I’m afraid to watch for fear of embarrassment. It is my son’s very first real bath. I was at my parents’ house and I decided to do it there for moral support. Only… there ended up being several family members and my dad pulled out the video camera. Suddenly the pressure was on. My son was the first newborn I had ever handled. He seemed so fragile and giving him a bath was pretty intimidating. I was mostly afraid that he would become to slippery and I would drop him in the water. I was also afraid of getting soap and water in his eyes and nose. I’m pretty sure that my insecurities were evident in the way I handled him. I felt like such an amateur, and I might have even expressed that sentiment out loud on the video. It took me a few baths to get to the point where I felt comfortable. Looking back, I laugh at how nervous I was during those first weeks of being a mom.
I share this story because I recognize that my story is true for a lot of expectant and new moms out there. For many women, their own child is their first encounter with a newborn. We watch in bewilderment as the nurses and doctors hold our newborns with one hand, quickly changing diapers and suctioning their noses. When we get home and begin to fumble with those tiny diapers and miserably fail at trying to suction their tiny nose, we wonder how the pros made it look so easy. We slowly get our sea legs and learn that newborns are a lot more resilient and less fragile than we think they are. You can always pinpoint the seasoned mom by the way she holds her tiny baby. I once saw a mom in Kohl’s who casually propped her infant on her hip in one arm while she shopped. His head bobbed a little while she walked but he was happy, eyes wide and drooling everywhere. I knew right away that was not her first child, and sure enough, a couple boys caught up with her, asking her for something. There I was, holding my own infant like a carton of eggs, wondering if I was being overly careful. (Is there such a thing?) I realize now that this mom was not being any less careful, but was simply more confident in her own ability to care for her infant. She knew the way her baby moved and knew how to hold him securely. She knew what he was doing just by the way he wiggled in her arm.
The next time I am blessed with a newborn, I think I will enjoy him or her more. I will be more confident in my abilities and I’ll be able to enjoy all those firsts a little more.