I have written lately about letting go of kids who are growing up. I have been quite open in sharing my experiences with having two of my three children graduating from the high school experience and preparing to move on to college. A big chunk of my focus as a parent, particularly as a single parent, lately has been learning how to let go and back off. As much as I would like to report that I am doing it perfectly, I am learning as I go. I have good days and bad ones. Sometimes I say and do the right thing and then other times I am definitely too nosey and controlling. Figuring out how to “back off” and become a different sort of mother is definitely a process.
I suppose it is unfair to expect that it will be a breeze, this adjustment to having adult children. After all, neither of them is completely independent yet either. They are going through a process just as I have. What I am learning is pointless; however, is this sense of panic I have that causes me to vomit all sorts of advice and bossy suggestions all over them. I have had my 18 years and there is absolutely no way I can prepare them for every single challenge that is going to come their way. Nor can I shield them, nor is it still my job to step in and guide and direct them through every challenge and life choice. It is time for me to back off but it is just starting to sink in.
I feel that the fact that I am a single parent can put some additional pressure on this transitional stage. After all, who among us single parents does not feel as though he or she could have spent more time with their children? “If only” I had not had to work so much or I could have been more this or more that—then they might be better prepared to take on the world. Instead of beating myself up, however, I need to have patience and focus on the process—the “backing off” process.