If you’ve been following the blogs I write here at families.com (Fatherhood and Education) for any length of time you’ve no doubt noticed the almost singular anxiety and focus I’ve had since the beginning of summer. I’m currently working towards a doctorate in fine arts and it turns out that after you’ve passed all of your classes you still need to pass a particularly nasty sequence of tests to additionally prove that they should allow you to write that big paper (dissertation) and maybe (just maybe) award you a degree. So for the entire summer my wife would take our son to the pool, to the mall, or to visit friends and family while leaving me to the dungeon of reprising four years of graduate work. Part one of my testing had finally come.
It’s no surprise that I felt like a worthless husband and father throughout the process (and continue to feel that way sometimes). I was put in the position of largely abandoning my family for the continued pursuit of education (for the purpose of future employment). While we agreed that this was the path our family was to take it did not make the decision any easier (and the task itself was certainly still hard). So when the time finally came to engage part one of the testing I was not especially anxious but more accurately anticipating some form of relief, not only for myself but for my family.
The mornings (yes, two days for part one) weren’t especially hectic. I must admit, however, that I would have been more comfortable reviewing my notes in the mornings rather than changing diapers, packing a diaper bag, and locating our babysitter in the wee hours of the morning. After the testing periods were completed (they have yet to be evaluated) I did feel a form of relief that extended through the weekend. I really felt that I was able to spend time with my family without an undercurrent of worry (or a feeling that I should be studying). Needless to say, we’re all very excited for the testing period to conclude. Dad needs to read some children’s books for a while.