When our adopted children first came to live with us, the parental rights of their birth mother had not been resolved. This happens in many, if not most, adoptions. I will warn you that the process can be very frustrating.
We have adopted five maternal brothers which involved two separate adoption proceedings. In the first one, there never was much doubt that she was going to drag it out as long as possible and then sign relinquishment papers. However, she threatened to contest the right to retain her parental rights in the second adoption.
The birth mother of our boys is not a sympathetic figure. Throughout the proceedings, I was amazed by the favor that the legal system required that she receive. If it bothered me (I am a retired lawyer), then surely it is very frustrating for the average couple.
There is no doubt that our legal system is slanted to protect the rights of the accused, or in this case, the rights of someone who could have an important right taken from them. We need to recognize that it is a very serious matter to take away someone’s parental rights, no matter how undeserving they are. No legal system is perfect. Historically, only Solomon was a perfect judge, but he had the direct wisdom of God.
So, if a legal system is not always perfect, it must be slanted in one way or the other. Few of us would really prefer a legal system that was slanted to the state. We really don’t want for it to be easy for the state to take children away from parents. It drives you crazy though when a person who is a horrible parent wants to claim the right to continue the craziness.
I was waiting in court one day. A father was asking the judge to take his child out of foster care and return her to him. He had just finished serving a prison sentence for molesting another of his daughters and his father, who lived on the same property, was a certified sex offender. The daughter he was asking for was three years old and the daughter he had molested was four at the time the crime occurred. The court had to give him the same consideration that any father would have. That is crazy, but that is our system.
My message is that you should be prepared for frequent disappointment in the system. For us, it was kind of like child birth. We had to endure a lot of pain and suffering, but it was worth it. We love our boys.