I tend to write fairly often about decisions and choices—the importance of letting our children learn how to make decisions and take chances on their own instead of our doing everything for them as parents. I realize, however, that there has to be some balance between our making decisions and choices as parents, and our child’s making decisions and choices too…
In my experience as a parent—and most of that time as a single parent—I have learned that when I start to feel resentment and completely overwhelmed, then things are likely out of balance. While I want my kids to be able to experience natural consequences and learn how to make choices and decisions for themselves, I also need to not feel as though I am a “victim” of their choices and whims. There are those times when my decisions as the parent have to take precedent.
I learned when my children were quite young NOT to offer them choices if I was not prepared to actually let them make those choices. This might mean offering limited choices: (“Would you like chicken or soup for dinner?” instead of “What do you want for dinner?”) or explaining that I would be making the decision in a particular instance and they would have an opportunity for choice at a later date.
I also learned that I need to make decisions and choices in order to maintain peace of mind and a sense of control too. While I can hand over to them whatever is reasonable and appropriate, I still need to feel like I have some say and control as well. This means that I remind myself that I am the parent and I have both the ultimate authority and responsibility. Sure, I want them to learn how to stand on their own and learn from their own choices and decisions, but I have to remember I am the parent regardless.