To a certain extent, all parents have to find a balance between predictability and routine, and a healthy dose of flexibility, but I think it can be a real tough dilemma for the single parent. With only one of us running the household, generating income, and managing the childcare and parenting—we are even more vulnerable to becoming overly-routinized or throwing our hands up and embracing the loose life…
Routine is the single parents best friend—the more organized and scheduled you can get things, the more likely it is that things will get done (dinners made, lunches packed, kids to school, mom or dad to work, etc.) I know that with only one of me, I’ve had to get and keep myself organized in ways that I would not have otherwise have done. It is not born in me, but it’s been the salvation of our hectic, single-parent home (not to mention needing to make sure kids and stuff and information transfers between mom’s house and dad’s house). BUT, I know that I can get TOO organized, and rely on my lists and calendars too much and not be nearly as flexible as a home where there is more than one adult to cover all the bases.
A single parent can feel like letting go of the reigns for one afternoon or one day is opening the door to complete chaos. When it comes to setting boundaries and laying down the law, with only one adult kids can really take advantage of a parent who lets her guard down. BUT, that doesn’t mean we need to be strict sticklers all the time—we just have to be a little more careful where we choose our flexibility. I’ve found that having just a few “carved in stone” rules and laws allows for some flexibility and some strong boundary-setting at the same time. If eating popcorn and milkshakes for dinner does not violate one of our set-in-stone family household rules, then it is an option.
I think we also get into trouble on our routine and flexibility balance when we find ourselves feeling like we have to compete and compare with “the other house”—it took a couple of years for me to get so comfortable and secure in my single parent status that “dad always lets me” or “we get this at dad and —-‘s house” not to get under my skin. Enough time has passed and I’ve become solid enough as “the single mom” that I don’t care and my way of doing things is not going to be shaken by someone else’s. I do still feel like I have to balance things out by being the “every day responsible” parent, but I’m okay with that. That doesn’t mean I can’t cut loose and let a little flexibility in too.
Also: Why We Can’t Do it All–Even if We Want to