When a child has not received basic nurturing as an infant, there is a deep need to receive what he missed, even if it comes several years later. I want to preface what I am about to write by saying that I am not a medical or psychological expert. I am raising children who were deprived of their basic necessities as infants. My wife and I have done our best to solve the problem based upon information from people who are experts and various publications which address the issue.
Three of our children came to us when they were four and a half, thirty months, and eighteen months old respectively. Their birth mother was unable, and probably unwilling, to care for them. She had another person keep the boys and she would visit on occasion. From what we can piece together, they were living in an apartment where there was a lot of drug activity and instability.
It is fairly obvious based upon CPS and court reports and the memories of the oldest child, that they received the bare minimum in terms of care. It is most probable that the lady in charge of them placed them on welfare and spent most of the money that she received on her own needs.
When it was very obvious to us that they required an unusual amount of attention, we were advised to try holding them and giving them a bottle of milk in the same manner that you would do for an infant. We were a bit skeptical, but we tried it. They were very receptive, in fact, they argued over whose turn was next. They wanted to be held, rocked, looked in the eyes by someone who loved them, and given a bottle.
This practice helped us bond with them and, even at the late date, helped them “catch up” to their basic needs. We saw tremendous progress in their security and stability in our home.
We received another boy into our home when he was one month old. He had been in the hospital for two weeks and in a shelter for two weeks. It was obvious to us that he had never been held, or at least he had not been held very much. He could not focus his eyes on the person giving him the bottle and he could not relax. It took a month or so for him to begin to react to receiving a bottle as most newborns would.
Children have a very basic longing to be held and loved. We are glad that our boys were able to finally get the attention and care that all children need and deserve.
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Developmental Vs. Chronological Age