Sometimes as a mother, I look at my children and try to imagine them as teenagers. Even harder is trying to imagine them as adults. Will they ever understand how much I love them? Will they hold on to the negative things I did as a mother instead of seeing me for who I was striving to be?
I worry all the time about the impact that I am having on them long-term. I don’t know if it is because of my own childhood, my psychology background, or my worrying nature, but I struggle every day with overcoming my self. Trying to be the mother that I imagined in my mind I would be. Living up to my own expectations.
I’m not an abusive mother. I give lots of hugs and kisses. I tell them I love them constantly. I provide for them, bandage cuts, cuddle them when they are sad. So, why am I so worried?
I guess it has a lot to do with my own dysfunction from childhood. No family is perfect. Mine certainly wasn’t. And without divulging things that might hurt those I love, I will just say that every day I struggle with trying not to repeat the past. It is my biggest fear. In the June Ensign from this year, there was a question posed in the Q&A on this very subject. How do we break the cycle?
I loved one answer specifically. It made me realize that instead of worrying about continuing a cycle, we can focus on being pro-active in breaking it. The person that answered said you can do the following:
1. “Make the decision”. I did that long ago.
2. “Be specific”. One thing I really don’t want to do as a mother is yell at my children. You can pick a handful of goals to set. Cycles to break.
3. “Look for new examples”. Emulate real life examples of who you want to become.
4. “Turn to the Master Teacher”. Our Savior. Rely on Him. Follow His perfect example, not with the expectation of being perfect ourselves, but with a goal in mind.
I loved these simple ideas to break the cycle of an unhealthy family. Day by day we can work on overcoming the past, and not becoming someone we are afraid we will become. Fear is not the answer, but faith in the Lord and specific action to overcome the past.