Why is it that divorce makes us forget how fragile our children are? I firmly believe that in most cases our kids are more resilient than we realize, but when it comes to their parents, that’s not the case.
We seem to be a society of fragmented families, so many people get divorced now. It doesn’t have to be all bad, sometimes a divorce was very necessary and everyone, including the children, is better off because of the divorce. So why are we still so bitter?
I was listening recently to a friend recount her boyfriend’s interaction with his ex. It seems that his ex wife is not happy he is dating and refuses to let him see his son. That in itself is bad enough, but after not letting him see his son for three weeks, she calls on a Thursday and tells him he can have his son for the weekend. Apparently she had plans and was willing to let Daddy see his son so she would have a babysitter. Now if the normal visitation schedule had continued this would not be his weekend to have his son so he had to tell his ex wife that he couldn’t take his son for the weekend as he had already made plans. What did she tell that little boy? “Daddy doesn’t want you this weekend because his priorities are screwed up.”
I’ve heard these stories over and over again about the vindictive ex wife. I’ve also heard the stories of the children who eagerly pack their bag after school on Friday just to sit on the porch step until dark waiting for a Daddy who doesn’t show up.
Communicate people! Granted, the fact that we are divorced shows we had a communication problem, but these are your children, all they know is they want both their parents.
When I got divorced my ex husband and I were not each other’s biggest fans, there was quite a bit of animosity but we tried really hard not to involve Hailey. My daughter always knew which weekend was Daddy’s and he would text or call and let her know exactly when he would be there. We definitely had our differences but our love for Hailey wasn’t one of them.
Try to see your spouse through your child’s eyes. They don’t know who was right or who was wrong, and they don’t want to take sides, so don’t make them. Speak kindly to and about each other, at least in the presence of your child. Remember, you are talking about someone your child loves very much, so be gentle and remember, little pictures have big ears.