I live a busy life. As a single mother with a full time job, I don’t always have the time to do what I would like to do. One of the things that is most important to me is connecting with my daughter. I want to be present for Hailey’s life, I want to be involved, I want her to know that, not only do I care about her, but that I’m interested in her as a person.
The challenge is always, how to find the time to really connect with my child. Time is precious but so is a childhood and our children are grown and out the door before we are finished getting the sticky fingerprints off the light switches.
I try to use whatever time we have together to connect. Walking is my exercise of choice and anytime I can get Hailey to go with me feels like a special occasion. We are alone, there is nothing to pull our attention from each other. We are also not in our every day surroundings so I’ve found that on our walks Hailey is more willing to talk about things. I don’t know if it’s the fresh air or the fact that she is trapped with me for an hour but we’ve had some of our best talks while we were walking.
I also try to ask questions. I believe this shows Hailey that I am interested in what she is saying. No, teenage girl drama is not the most interesting thing in the world but simple questions like, how did that make you feel, or I wonder why your friend is being so mean, do you think she is upset about something? These questions often get Hailey thinking about different things, like how something makes her feel, and we can talk about it. Also, questions are not lectures, kids don’t respond to lectures anyway.
Getting to know Hailey’s friends has always been a great way for us to connect. Her friends feel welcome in our home and she is excited when they come over. Since everything is central in our home there is nothing in her room to keep them locked in there so they will often paint their nails in the kitchen or bake cookies. These activities lead to conversations and sometimes Hailey’s friends will bring up a subject that I haven’t had any luck getting Hailey to talk about and the three of us will talk about it.
Our children are young for such a short period of time, be present and they will remember it forever.