As a member of the church, I’ve always known that the phrase perfection, or some form of it appears multiple times in the scriptures. We need to “be ye therefore perfect”, or “be perfected in Christ”. I am not going to deny that hearing that perfection is the ultimate goal can feel very depressing.
An article by, Janet S. Scharman, in BYU Magazine was shared on a friend’s blog. The title of the article of course peaked my interest, “Seeking Perfection Without Being a Perfectionist”. I thought, I definitely need to read that! So, I did. And, it was a good reminder of what I already knew, but forget pretty much every day.
It’s funny because I’ve always known that I was somewhat of a people pleaser. This leads to the desire to have everything just right, and “perfect”. I was also the peacemaker in my home. The resident worrier growing up (that way no one else had to worry because I worried enough for our family of 6).
However, I don’t think it was until I became a Mother, that I continually felt feelings of falling short, not doing enough, not being everything to everybody. Of course, there is always the mother guilt. Not playing enough with my kids, letting them watch too much TV, etc. Being a Mother automatically makes me feel absolutely imperfect.
I guess it is because you realize the trust that is given to you in raising these precious, innocent, pure spirits that come into your home. You have multiple responsibilities, and are stretched thin. You can’t possibly keep your house clean all the time so when people drop by it is “perfect”. There are just not enough hours in the day for perfection.
Yet, we can have moments of doing some things perfectly. We can be “perfect” at reading our scriptures every day. Or, “perfect” at always picking up the phone when your Mother calls. Or, “perfect” at always reading a story to a child whenever they ask. There are some things that we can be perfect at.
The author of the article writes about how Satan tries to use the ultimate goal of perfection against us. She says, “Satan’s counterfeit promotes the belief that everything must be done perfectly right now.” This is where I fall short as a mother. I want my house clean, my kids bathed, fed, happy (and not fighting), my laundry done, food cooked, scriptures read, and a perfectly patient attitude all at the same time. As I write that out, I realize how ridiculous that sounds! Yet, when I get angry (at myself) because I decided to sit down for a minute and watch my favorite show instead of putting away that last load of laundry in the evening, I’m setting myself up for feelings of depression and failure.
It is a fine balance between setting righteous goals that we can complete, and letting some things go for the time being. We learn little by little. We are expected to become perfect little by little too, although never completely perfect in this life.
My husband said to me once when I was lamenting about feeling overwhelmed with my responsibilities, and not spending enough time with my kids, he said something to me like, “You will never regret or feel bad about stopping the laundry for a minute and reading a story”. The laundry can wait. It CAN! And, the house can be messy when someone comes over. No one will think you are lazy. They just might be glad you’re “normal”. It’s OK if you are too tired one. night. to read your scriptures.
Goals are beautiful and wonderful and helpful. Yet, inner peace is the goal we should all be setting. This can only be done, I’m convinced, if we can let go of this idea that EVERYTHING must be perfect RIGHT NOW. Because, it just can’t. And, hallelujah for that.
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