If you had asked me four months ago how Dylan was feeling about being a big brother, I would have told you that he was not at all happy about it. While he never went so far as to ask me to return Blake to the hospital from whence he came, he was not exactly excited about sharing me with another little person. In the beginning, it seemed like no matter how hard I tried to make sure that Dylan’s needs were taken care of, I still felt as if I were falling short of meeting them.
At first, it felt like it might take forever before the emotional upheaval surrounding Blake’s arrival would pass. I am happy to report that it has, and I am feeling so relieved. Dylan is acting much more like himself now than he was when his little brother arrived. I do not feel like I can take credit for Dylan’s return to his usual way of being. All that I have done is do my best to balance the needs of both children and reassure Dylan that he is loved just as much as he has always been.
Also, Blake has changed in ways that seem to be meaningful to Dylan. I noticed a big change in Dylan’s attitude towards Blake about a month and a half ago when Blake really started making eye contact and engaging with people. Dylan was delighted when I pointed out that Blake was watching the things that he was doing with great interest, and even more delighted when he realized that by interacting with Blake and making silly faces and sounds he could make him laugh. Blake has also started playing with toys and rolling over, and I think that Dylan can see a playmate in the making.
I am proud of Dylan for being willing to explore his feelings about the new addition to our family. Through discussions that we have had, I have learned that what upset him more than anything was that I was in the hospital (and away from home) for nearly a week. That, and he did not like seeing me in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm. My husband and I thought that we were doing the right thing by letting him come to the hospital when he wanted to see me, but in retrospect it may have done more harm than good.
Yesterday, as I watched Dylan attach some hanging toys to the handle of Blake’s car seat before we left to go to the grocery store, I realized that the sadness and anger which had been with Dylan for a few months have yielded to his natural tendency to (usually) show kindness to others. If you are experiencing a similar rough patch with your toddler because of the arrival of a sibling, take heart. It will take some time, but the storm may pass more quickly than you would expect.