Some parents get very upset and worried when they discover that siblings who go to sleep (or at least go to bed) in their own separate beds, end up co-sleeping with one (or more) of their siblings during the night. Depending on the ages, temperaments, and sibling bonds of the children–this might be normal or troublesome. I think a parent’s attitudes and the family culture have something to do with it as well.
Recently, someone was telling me that she is really concerned because now that both of her children are out of cribs, they can often be found snuggled up next to one another in either one’s bed. I had to confess that when my own three were tiny, I never knew for sure where they would all wake up. It is still not surprising to find someone sacked out on the couch having fallen asleep reading a book or watching a movie in my house. My seventeen and eighteen-year-old daughters will still periodically have “sleepovers” with each other and camp out in each other’s room, talking and snacking into the wee hours.
I think that most parents have a “sense” of what is appropriate and what it not. As someone who has healthy boundaries, it is pretty easy to know whether or not the co-sleeping is a pleasant, valuable, family-bonding activity or is for some other reason. Not everyone is so certain, however. If both children are similar in age and it is consensual–they actually enjoy being close and have strong, healthy bonds–I think it can be alright. If one child is feeling like her space is being invaded or he is having to take care of another sibling and is not happy about that–then I think a parent needs to intervene and come up with some alternatives. Most children outgrow these co-sleeping behaviors naturally anyway as they develop and grow older. Relationships between siblings will shift and change and they will each gradually want more autonomy, independence and their own identity.
If there are big changes in the family or a child has recently moved into a room of her own or into a “big bed”–she made really need the security and comfort of a nearby sibling. I have known several parents who had young children share a room until they were school-age or so and actually wanted to have their own space. As preschoolers and young children, they seemed to thrive having a roommate. I think it helps for parents to decide if the co-sleeping really is a problem and whose problem it is. Sometimes it is a “parent” issue and the kids don’t feel unnatural or like it is a big deal at all. Of course, watch out for safety and if you are concerned, talk to a child development specialist, physician or counselor.
Also: Toys in Bed
Coping with Midnight Bed Sneakers