I’ll bet we have all experienced the situation where our spouse says or does something, and we react and then wish we hadn’t been so quick to react. But it’s too late. So here are a couple of suggestions for next time you feel like reacting that way.
Stop and think about the effect of your words and the choice of them. Is there a better way of phrasing them? Honesty is good in a marriage but it needs to be tempered with tact.
Is there a better time to voice your concerns? The wrong words at the wrong time can make a situation ten times worse than it needs to be. Maybe you need to calm down first or he does. Or maybe it is simply bad timing because one or the other of you needs to be doing something else not having a discussion.
How much of what you are tempted to say is because you’re not feeling well, hassled, uptight, stressful, or overworked? When we’re not feeling quite ourselves we tend to over react to comments, suggestions and criticisms. Maybe it is your spouse who is feeling overworked or hassled, so it may be better to let it go till another time when you are both calmer. Would it be better raised at another time when less upset or hassled?
Think about it. Is it really worth making a drama over or is it better to let it slide? That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t say when things are upsetting us but maybe it needs to be put into perspective. Is there a way around it without turning it into a bigger problem?
Will it help or hinder your relationship by airing your words? If it’s only going to make the situation worse, then perhaps it’s wiser to be quiet. However, if it is likely to help your relationship and give you each a better understanding of each other then it is worth talking out.
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How to Handle Disagreements – Part 1