Getting our kids to comply with even simple requests can sometimes be a daily struggle. Fortunately there are many techniques available to help parents in their struggles. One such technique is a behavior shaping method known as the 30-Second Technique described by Dr. Jerry Day. It’s a twist on the “count to three” method that many parents use, but as Day points out, some parents don’t think ahead to what they will do once they reach three. Here’s a brief highlight of how the method works.
(1) Take an inventory of items in your child’s room and rank them from least to most important.
(2) Practice the method when you are not time-pressed as it may take an hour or more to complete the cycle.
(3) Give your child a short directive and wait for her to obey the command.
(4) If she does don’t comply, announce that she has 30 seconds (or to the count of 15) to obey or you will take away a low priority item.
(5) Stand back, start counting or look at your watch. During this time, do not argue or struggle with your child. Remain totally oblivious to her cries and protestations or tantrums. The only thing on your mind should be counting to 15 or looking at your watch until 30 seconds have passed.
(6) If your child has not complied within the allotted time, immediately take the stated item and remove it from the child’s room. Then repeat the command and tell her again that she has 30 seconds (or to the count of 15) or another item will be taken away. Repeat, taking away each item in order of importance until the child complies. When she does comply, thank her for her cooperation and move on.
When do you return the items? Day recommends that when the child asks for the items tell her to ask for the items the next day. Then the next day when she asks for them, respond that you will be happy to return the items but first you need to talk about what happened. Use this time to discuss the issue of compliance. Day says that your child will be more willing to listen when she is calm and not angry. If your child does not ask for the items- keep them.
But suppose your child does not comply and you take away all of her toys and gadgets? What next? In my next blog I’ll tell you what to do in cases where you will have to employ an extreme version of the 30- Second Technique.
See also:
Three-Level Method of Discipline