A few years ago, there were some commercials on television that featured sports stars and figures selling something (tennis shoes?) and the tag line was: “I am not a role model.” I remember having mixed feelings about those ads since, of course, sports figures are role models to young children, even if it reluctantly. But, I know I feel the same way about being a single parent–I know that I sometimes represent single parents everywhere and serve as an example whether I want to or not and I do feel compelled to represent single-parent families well…
Depending on the world you live in–you may be one of many single parent families, or you might feel as though you live in a sea of two-parent families and you are the rarity. In my world, or my kids’ world, things are somewhat balanced–there are plenty of two-parent families, but there are also step-parent families and some other single-parent families too. I definitely don’t feel terribly unique and am glad my kids don’t either.
Where the mentoring comes in is that I do get asked by people–usually single women who are in their late thirties or early forties–about the realities of being a single mom. I always feel like I need to be careful, but that I am filling the role of a reluctant mentor or example of single parenting as a choice. For women who have always hoped to have children but are wondering if they should let that dream go since they haven’t found the perfect partner, or embark on single parenthood, finding someone who is actually doing it and finding out about the realities is important. I have to admit, however, that the fact that I am now parenting a houseful of very un-cute, challenging, typical, teenagers is NOT the best example of the joyous years of parenting. It might be a good example of the realities of parenting teenagers, but not the cute, cuddly, loving baby stage!
I don’t want to make it look like it is all rosy joy and great organization–after all, I’ve had YEARS to adjust to single parenting and I’m into it–but I also don’t want to try to dissuade people or add to the myth that we are haggard, overworked drudges with ill-behaved children. I want to represent single parenthood and single parent families well–but I don’t want to make it look like a walk in the park!
Also: Single Parenting Perks
Balancing Routine and Flexibility–Hard Stuff for the Single Parent