As children settle into the new school year this week, some will encounter curiosity from classmates. Younger children may be asked, “is that your real mom and dad?” If they are from a non-diverse area, they may have comments about skin color or physical features.
Older children may have teachers ask if their parents speak English. One middle-schooler found that her teachers’ attitude toward her changed when they met her white mother. The teachers had assumed that the girl was an illegal alien and that they wouldn’t be able to communicate with her parents. One of our blogger’s wrote about his child’s experience here.
Some adopted kids may act out experiences, such as being put into foster care, which make no sense to other children or are even frightening to them. Some children, upon learning that a friend is adopted, fear that their friend may have to “go back” some day. Some parents fear that their children will become fearful of being separated from their own parents as their friend was once separated from her birthparents.
Sometimes these questions come up later in the year, as they did for my daughter. In this blog, I share my daughter’s experience at the end of first grade, and how surprised I was at her hesitancy to share them with me.
Sometimes questions are provoked by certain assignments, such as a family tree or a heritage presentation such as my daughter did.
Children may be asked to bring in family pictures, or baby pictures—which some children may not have. Children may have trouble explaining their past in an autobiography assignment.
Teachers can be given alternative wording ideas. Instead of saying write about your life, they can ask the student to write about one or more important experiences. They can be asked to draw people close to them and label the relationships.
Many of our adoption blogs address school-related issues. We review books for adults on talking with children about adoption and children’s books which can be shared with a class, or with an individual child to give ideas for handling the situation.
Please see these related blogs:
It’s Heritage Report Time for My Korean Daughter
I Survived the First Grade Today
Things All Children Should Know About Adoption