Ah, used to be that my kids would come home from school and pour out their days to me over homework and snacks—who said what, who did what, and all the politics, romance and psychology of a child’s day. Well, that was then. Now I am lucky to get a grunt of greeting and on really chatty days I might hear, “It’s all good” or “fine” in response to my “Anything interesting happen to day?” This doesn’t mean my kids don’t ever talk to me. What it has meant is that I have to be ready at the most unpredictable times to be available to listen when they finally feel inspired to talk.
Candid conversations with teenagers tend to seem very random and unorchestrated. It could happen in the kitchen over late night grilled cheese, or while I’m in the midst of trying to hammer out a couple thousand words to meet a deadline. It can also happen over instant message chatting or on the telephone. I never know when I’m going to be called upon to be present, calm and inspirational. It’s really all about being on call and at the ready to listen any time any where.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I feel incredibly blessed and appreciative that my teens do still talk to me about all sorts of things—little things, big things, massive, important life-altering things—but it is definitely true what the experts say, a parent of teens has to be ready and willing to listen when the words finally come.
I have to admit, however, that unlike when my kids were little and chatty—I do feel like my mind is staying sharp and my ability to be brilliant (even if it’s just a brilliant listener) at a moment’s notice is improving. As a matter of fact, my brain would occasionally feel somewhat smooshy after a long chat with an eight-year-old. But when you’re pulled into juicy conversations about drugs, sex, astrology, college-planning, careers, politics and religion when you least expect it—your brain stands up and takes notice. And there’s nothing like those incredible moments when you look at your nearly-grown child and see shimmering flashes of the amazing, self-reliant, resilient, thinking, individual they are evolving into. It makes all the grunts and “fines” almost worth it.