I have found myself in a situation, one which has potential to affect the adoption proceedings, and I haven’t a clue what to do.
Unfortunately, I am going to have to be very vague here. This situation requires it.
I might have to do something to help another member of my family. Normally I wouldn’t even hesitate to help out a member of my family… However, what may need to be done will affect our home study. It would likely result in our no longer being approved for the adoption.
Since the idea of adopting itself was brought about by the belief in the importance of family, how can I say no to someone who is already a member of my family? But, on the other hand, how can I stop the adoption process now? We are already being considered for a specific child. We have already been to a match meeting.
I wonder if she has already been told about us. They did tell us they would like for her to meet both of the families that were interested in adopting her. If she has been told about us, what would be the affect of backing out at this point? We would be, essentially, turning this girl away. We would be telling her that we no longer want her, that we’ve changed our minds, something that I have been absolutely adamant about not doing.
I know it wouldn’t be her fault. It’s a situation that is completely out of her control. It’s a conflict between the needs of this child, the needs of my family, and the requirements to be considered suitable adoptive parents. But she won’t fully comprehend that. Even adults have a hard time understanding these types of conflicts until they must face something like it themselves, how could we expect this child to understand?
Two of my strongest convictions, my belief that everyone deserves a family and that we need to show a child unconditional acceptance, and my belief that we should always be there for family members when they are in need… these two beliefs are very much in conflict right now, and I don’t think there is anything that can be done about it.
Maybe there is nothing to worry about. We might not have to change our plans at all. And, if we do end up having to make a change, it’s very possible this girl has not been told about us and has no idea who we are yet. Let’s hope that’s the case.