Many mothers and fathers who decide to place a baby for adoption express feelings of great loss in their own lives. Many birthparents hope placing their baby for adoption will lead to a better life for their child and better future for themselves. For some a sense of loss begins during pregnancy when expectant parents come to accept the reality of the unplanned baby.
The actual birth and physical separation of a new baby from the parents can result in a sense of loss that is all-encompassing. The actual surrendering of the baby may cause feelings of numbness, shock, denial, and grief, for birthparents. These feelings are normal reactions to loss, but this kind of loss is different from the loss of someone they love dieing.
There is rarely a public acknowledgment, friends and family may try to ignore the loss by acting like nothing has happened. Sometime secrecy surrounding the pregnancy and adoption plan make it even more difficult and isolating for birth parents. When ordinary people suffer the loss of someone they love there are usually ceremonies that help us acknowledge the loss of the person but, placing a baby for adoption has no ceremony or ritual for parents surrendering their baby. It is important to acknowledge the grief as a normal process and part of losing someone.
There are other issues that may have an impact on birth parent’s feelings at the time they give birth and surrender their baby to the adoptive parents. Some of these issues might include:
- Mixed feelings about the adoption placement.
- The kind of support from other family members the parents may or may not have.
- Other birth parent in the hospital who are not placing their baby for adoption.
- Whether the planned adoption is open, and will allow some later contact with the baby as he or she grows up.
- The attitude actions of the adoption agency personnel.
- The attitude and actions of the adoption attorney.
- The attitude and actions adoptive parents.
- The manner hospital personnel, and physician use in talking to and caring for a mother who places her baby for adoption.
All of these things can have deep and great affect over the feelings of the birth mother and father as they go through the process of the adoption and the termination of their own parental rights.
The next Blog entry in this series will discuss loss and grief in more detail.
- The Adoption Triad: Birth Parents Placement and Healing Intro
- Loss and Grief
- Shame and Guilt
- Identity Issues
- Acceptance
- Healing
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.
Photo credit for this blog entry: 
(no use restrictions for this photo)