When birthparents are dealing with the loss and grief of having surrendered their baby for adoption, some feelings may be expressed as denial. Denial is a shield from the pain of the loss. As birthparents move on in the process of grieving they may soon face feelings of sorrow and depression as the loss becomes more real. Anger and guilt may follow, and it is common for birthparents express their anger at those who helped with the adoption placement.
Placing a baby for adoption may bring out other feelings of loss, and add to the grief. No one ever dreams about having a baby and then giving him or her up for adoption. Many birthparents grieve the loss of their own parenting dreams they once believed would be part of their future. Birthparents often grieve for the person their baby might have grown up to “be”–as their daughter or son.
The feelings of loss and grief are usually not completely resolved and often come up during the years ahead. Birthparents may suffer feelings of loss and grief on the child’s birthday, or when the child is old enough to start school or to reach other milestones in life such learning to drive or high school graduation.
There can be other losses a that occur as a result of the pregnancy and adoption placement. It is not uncommon for the birthmother and birthfather to break up because of the stress of the pregnancy, birth, and adoption decision. Birthparents may lose relationships with their own parents, because of disappointment or disapproval and lack of support. Birthmothers may lose her place in school or in the workplace as a result of the pregnancy. Birthparents may lose friends who are not supportive of either the pregnancy or the decision to place the child for adoption.
These feelings of loss and grief are often accompanied with the hormonal changes of pregnancy and delivery and can be very overwhelming for some birthmothers. While it is true placing a baby for adoption can and often does include deep feelings of loss it is important to find support and help. The feelings of loss and grief may be something a birthparent feels ebb and flow over the years but it is important to get help when these feelings become depression that interferes with moving through the stages loss and grief and being able to live life again.
- The Adoption Triad: Birth Parents Placement and Healing Intro
- Before and At Placement
- Shame and Guilt
- Identity Issues
- Acceptance
- Healing
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.
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