Birthparents will never forget the baby they placed for adoption. Forgetting isn’t the goal but it’s important for birth mothers and birth fathers to adapt to the new circumstances and come to terms with any regret. When birth parents are able to accept their lives it’s possible to gain a feeling of control, and move forward with whatever else life has in store for them.
Birth mothers and birth fathers who are able to openly share feelings with themselves and others may find it to be helpful while moving through the stages of grief and reaching some resolution. Some of the steps birth parents might consider taking are:
- Counseling: Birth mothers and birth fathers may find that they need more support than family and friends can always provide, or may face periods of overwhelming feelings. Professional counseling may help birth parent make moves forward in dealing with grief and loss as well as, the feelings of shame and guilt. A professional counselor or therapists may be able reassure birth parent these feelings are normal. A counselor should be able to help a birth parent replace unrealistic fantasy with reality, acknowledge what has happened, and find ways to heal. Birth parents should look for counselors who have experience with adoption and with bereavement.
- Education: There are several wonderful books and articles about adoption and the birth parent experience. There are also some great websites that have information on the topic. Understanding that a birth parent is not alone and that others have experienced the same situation and feelings can provide great support. One nice site is Adoption.com the birth parent information and community can provide support that may help birth parents move forward knowing what they are experiencing is normal under the circumstance.
- Writing: Birth parents may find it helpful to keep a journal of their experiences and feelings. This may be an outlet for grief or other emotions, and it can provide some perspective over time. Keeping a journal also allows birth parents to remember details that might otherwise be forgotten over the years. Some birth parents find it helpful to write letters and journals for their child to read when they are grown.
- Finding Support: Birth parents should seek out friends, support groups of other birth parents, and understanding counselors in order to have a safe place to communicate their feelings. Often, adoption agencies have listings for support groups in the area or sponsor a support group.
The important thing is to remember the choice to place a baby for adoption was difficult and the emotions following placement may be overwhelming. With the right kind of support for yourself healing and peace is possible and the choice to place a baby doesn’t have to define who a person is forever. Time, support and working through the stages of grief can lead to a place of peace for birth parents.
- The Adoption Triad: Birth Parents Placement and Healing Intro
- Before and At Placement
- Loss and Grief
- Shame and Guilt
- Identity Issues
- Acceptance
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.
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