People need people, even people who have been hurt or even traumatized by a broken relationship. Many people who have gone through a breakup return to dating and long term relationships. Deciding when to date again after divorce is a personal decision that should be made carefully. Most experts agree that after the ending of a long, serious relationship such as marriage, it is best to wait at least 1-2 years before beginning to date again so that the wounds of the break up may be healed.
When dating, it is advised that you again wait one to two years before deciding to remarry. Remarriage is a major life decision that should be taken very seriously. Second marriages have a higher divorce rate-at around 62-68%, depending on the source, than first marriages. One of the main reasons that second marriages end more often than the first marriage is that people rush into new relationships too quickly after their first breakup.
There are many issues to consider before committing to another relationship. Does the significant other have children of his or her own, Is he or she the custodial parent. Do your children like and get along well with your future spouse? Do you get along well with his or her children? Has the other person and yourself healed in an appropriate way from the demise of the previous relationship (s)? Remember that when one or both of you have children there are more than two people forming new relationships. If you have four people in your family or say 2 adults + 2 children, you have four new relationships to consider.
Some of the following tips might help to make the transition to blended families more smooth (pun intended!):
*Blended families must work cooperatively. Establish rules and boundaries before saying “I do”. A lot of open and honest communication prior to the big day may help diffuse potential problems. Begin talking with the children well before the pending marriage and openly listen to their protests and other opinions.
*Appreciate each other’s differences and beliefs.
*Always respect the stepchildren’s biological parent. Do not speak badly about him or her or this may damage your relationships with the children.
*Realize that a stepparent can never take the place of a child’s birth parent.
*Be persistent in establishing and maintaining a relationship with your stepchild. Do not take his or her rejection personally. Children need a lot of time and unconditional love to deal with the brutal recognition that your new marriage represents the fact that his or her parents will not be reconciled.
*Parent’s must present a united front and lovingly disregard children’s attempts to create a maddening relationship triangle. The husband/wife relationship is a special, unique relationship. The relationship with each child is special in its own way, but is not the same as the marriage relationship.
*Expect that the relationship building between all family members will take a lot of time and hard work.