If you love something, set it free…blah blah blah—we’ve all heard that saying a zillion times and I’m sure it has been applied to parenting at least half that many times. In reality, however, our bonds with our children are strengthened and encouraged when they are stretched and tested. Often it is the being apart and going out into the real world that makes kids feel even closer and more attached to their parents and families.
I know that it seems like it should be just the opposite—that we should keep our children in close and maintain our influence over them by squelching out other influences. But, that’s not how it works best. Think of a toddler just learning to walk—she stretches out and tries her steps, first holding on to mom or dad’s hand, then on her own. As she gains more confidence and gets braver, she moves further and further on her own. BUT, she returns to gain reassurance from the parent or adult before embarking out again. It is not the sticking closest to home that builds those strong, lasting bonds, but knowing that no matter where you go and what you do, you can always come home again.
It has been interesting to watch my kids grow up and see that they often don’t really “see things” or understand me as a parent or person until they go away and see things through a different perspective. Being in other people’s homes has made one of my daughters appreciate my housekeeping and homemaking skills. And, who among us hasn’t craved one of our parent’s famous dishes when we were sitting down to eat at someone else’s table?
I know that we fear that as our children move around in the world, we will lose them. And, our relationships definitely morph and change over the years as our children grow up. But, strong, lasting connections and bonds need some space and pressure so that they can get strong enough to last a lifetime.
Also: Bonding is an Ongoing Process
Tips for Single Parents to Build a Good Parent-Child Relationship